Most all of us are taught that we should be kind and compassionate to others. Few of us learn how to be kind and compassionate to ourselves. Perhaps we think being hard on ourselves will whip us
into shape, get us to work harder, grow a thick skin or just deal, as the teenagers say.
My guess is that it helps us avoid pain. Admitting our disappointment, hurt feelings, lost hopes, grief or helplessness makes us extremely vulnerable. A vulnerable person deserves compassion. When we don't allow ourselves to be vulnerable, all we have access
to is pity.
I don't know how this sounds in your life, but it can go like this for writers:
The publishing business is so unfair to writers. I have to wait so long to hear back from editors and agents. So much of my books success is out of my control. There's no other job like this. That's pity.
Compassion might sound like this. I've poured out my soul, revised again and again, and now I've
sent it off to someone who might not like it. That's really hard. Especially because I have this tiny hope that they'll love it. Every rejection is so personal and painful.
It takes courage to be a writer. Especially when you have to wait so long for the verdict--will they or won't they? But lots of people don't have control over aspects of their work. Doctors? Third grade teachers? Waitresses? We're all in
this together. We go to work each day and stuff is out of our control. I can focus on what I can control and make my best effort. Yes, it's hard. I'll let myself have a good cry, and then I'll get to work.
